I met her in a jail cell with Merv Griffin;
I can still recall that burlap bra she wore;
She was breakin' out with acne on her elbows,
and I knew that I would upchuck on the floor;
I shrieked in pain I'd change my sex forever;
She said to me that Nixon didn't lie;
But who'd have thought she'd wind up in her Maytag;
She freaked out on the lawn and screamed goodbye.